it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
