look no pants
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
