also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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