you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
