I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
