I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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