Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
