the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
