The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When are your genitals available?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
