Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
