hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
