Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
