then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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