just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
