It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize