lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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