My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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