my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
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