i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
