i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
