I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
