my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
