I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
