i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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