Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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