2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
