Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She announced her abortion via fbk
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
