Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
