i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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