when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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