why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
