So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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