Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
