No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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