there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Holy sore nipples Batman
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
