So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
