Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
