Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
