Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
