She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
