I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
