i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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