I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
All the doctor said was why
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize