i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
