i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
