I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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