I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
