She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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