hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
