that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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