Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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