Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
