How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
