Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
