I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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