Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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