I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
