2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
