He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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