he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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