I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
