I'm drive I can fine osifer
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
