You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
