I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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