By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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