this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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