A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
