I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
