Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
