Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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