in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
