Me. At least after what I've been through.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
