pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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