You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
