she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
