I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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