He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
