Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
