At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
