I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
