I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
