If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
