at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
