Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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