You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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